So you got all dressed up in your brand spanking new outfit (spanx included), applied your #flawless date make up, and styled your hair to perfection and headed into the night to meet the possible man of your dreams. There is always a few ways the night can go, but the 2 main thoughts are: 1) You’re feeling it 2) Your not.
So what happens when the guy is super lovely and your just not feeling it? Could be the lack of chemistry, the way he spoke about his ex the whole night, how much he checked himself out in the bar, or you just were not attracted to him. It is perfectly fine not to be into the guy, that is what the first date is for, but how do you let them know?!
I ran into a similar situation a couple of weeks ago. I was uh-ming and ahhing about meeting him. On paper he seemed perfect. Tall, Northern (I love an accent me!) good job, house, car blah blah blah. He rang me a few times and we spoke for hours so I just thought I would bite the bullet and head out to meet him for a drink.
I met him at a cute bar and he kindly bought me a drink (pint if you’re asking!). We grabbed some seats and I spent the whole time looking at the clock. Now do not get me wrong, he was lovely and sweet, but the lack of chemistry was obvious for me. I wasn’t attracted to him and I just found it a little.. Dull.
I know it can’t be helped, some people just aren’t meant to be, even if one has feelings, doesn’t mean the other person will. It honestly filled me with dread thinking about if he was going to make a move or not (that’s a huge tell-tale sign too!).
So the date ended, I dropped him home, he didn’t make a move thankfully and off I went to bed. He sent me the sweetest text good night and I felt sick of the thought of how I was going end this after only 1 date, crazy right!?
From someone who has been ghosted a lot, I know it is the worst thing to experience, not knowing where you stand, if he’s read the text or if he’s just busy and just driving yourself insane. After a morning of insane texting to the best gal pals, I knew I had to let him know that I just wasn’t feeling it and it was freaking scary.
If someone can tell me why telling a stranger after one date you just aren’t interested is so scary, I will be forever in your debt.
Trying to craft the message isn’t half bad when you have your gal-pals, sending them through draft after draft until it’s the right balance of nice but not interested, without being seen as a total bitch. Looking back that’s the easy part, it’s the pressing send bit that’s the hardest and I have no idea why.
So after what felt like hours later, I finally managed to press send and after that I just wanted to throw my phone away, delete all social media and never come out of hiding. (Crazy right?!)
Why do we feel so pressured when dating to be sensitive?! Dating is a playing field and 9 out of 10 times you’re going to blow them off or they will blow you off (dirty thoughts aside please!). What do we gain by perfecting the ‘perfect’ message to let them down?! No one feels good after being blown off, even if they felt the same. So let’s not list all the reasons why they didn’t float our boat.
Let’s keep it short and sweet and wish them all the best. I would like to think now we are all mature enough to take a small knockdown, if not, should you really be dating?!
I am now making a promise to myself to be bolder & more confident in dating. Be more honest, with men and myself. If the occasion arises again, which no doubt it will, I plan on keeping it sweet and simple and just wishing them the best.
Eg: I had a fun time last night, but didn’t feel that necessary ‘click’ to move things forward. You seem like a great catch, though, and I wish you the best of luck in your search.”
Let’s be honest, it’s a hell of a lot better than being ghosted and letting the inner psycho out to play. (C’mon, who doesn’t stalk the guy every minute when they don’t reply?!)
What are your thoughts on letting them down gently? Have you been ghosted too? Let me know in the comments and we can all share our dating dilemmas!